Realizing things

The all-knowing and mighty prophet Kylie Jenner once proclaimed that 2016 was "...really about, like, the year of just realizing stuff. And everyone around me, we're all just like, realizing things."

For me, 2016 was a rocky road, not unlike the cobblestones I travel through each day here in Rome. While most people prefer to wake up in the new year and give it 100%, I'm realizing that I seemingly chose to enter 2016 hovering at a solid 67%, Korbel bottle in hand. My motto, regrettably, was "set the bar low and see how far you can go!" This resulted in a series of upheavals and unknowns, many of which provided a "Bad Girls Club"-style bitch slap in the form of some difficult life lessons. I'm not proud of all of my actions in 2016--whether it was the 90's boy band bleached hair, or my unnatural affinity for light washed jorts. But what I won't do is apologize, and in return I don't expect forgiveness for the embarrassment of my parents.

Though writing this makes me feel like a 16 year old girl wearing a polyblend bandage dress scrolling through Pinterest for plagiarized inspirational quotes while listening to Taylor Swift, I'm making a deliberate choice to give into the basic-ness. Living in Rome--even though it's only been a week--has provided me with an energetic push into self-reflection... and tiramisu. 

Throughout the past three years, I often felt as if my peers were somehow more prepared and ready for what was to come than I was. Looking back, the 18 year old me who moved to New York for college is unrecognizable. At that point, I was drunk on my wide-eyed and privileged view of the world, with expectations that my life would simply fall into place without any self-effort. And oh, how it didn't. What's happened instead has been a complete 180° from where my adolescent self envisioned my ~life journey~ would take me.

At some point in 2016--admittedly a few years late--I crossed over from adolescence into adulthood. I turned inwards. I strengthened my relationships, and I learned that "home" isn't a place--rather, it's family. (Seriously: when your life goes to shit, they will pick you up and help it become a little less shitty, a.k.a. livable.) I made friends and I lost friends. I spent most of my time alone with myself, and I realized that feeling lonely is not only powerful and valuable, but catalytic.

I'll be honest--I still think of time in terms of "school years." As I embrace 2017 with open arms and an abused liver, I'm deciding to begin a much needed process of reinvention. Hey, my blog isn't inspired by Eat Pray Love for nothing.

Bear with me: while 2016 was the year of realizing things, in 2017 I'm going to attempt to live like a well-aged cheese. The cheeses at the supermarkets in Rome and around the world incline in price the longer they've aged. There's a reason for this; the cheese has developed into the most intoxicating version of its best self. The cheese spent time alone and matured. It isn't embarrassed of flaunting its mold or pungent aroma, and its past only heightens its worth. After all, the cheese WORKED for those desirable imperfections.

I know what you're thinking: is he hungry? The answer is yes, which is why I'll wrap up this highly self-indulgent and delusional post.

2017: and so it begins.

Love you! (Mean it.)